I woke up, at 4:47am this morning, as I most often do. I don’t know why my brain awakens early in the morning. My alarm clock is set for 6am during the weekdays but I can’t remember the last time it actually woke me up.
I reach over, put on my glasses and check the latest headlines. What’s the stock futures today? What’s the latest on Ukraine? Mass Shootings. Political bickering. Rarely do I put my phone down before I get in the shower happier than when I picked it up. Why do I do that? The algorithms that constantly feed us articles on the same themes, ideas and topics that we’ve visited before is a cancer on society.
I’m at Apple Park now. It’s 7:22am. While some may consider this early to be at work, this is actually late for me. I spent the last 18 years of my career arriving by 6:00am. It all started in Chicago when I had kids, lived in the suburbs and worked downtown. The commute was horrible and I wanted to be home when my kids were still awake. This carried over while I worked for Apple for the first 15 years or so. Traffic in the Bay Area has gotten horrible…although the pandemic has really helped for the time being. Anyway, I digress…
Retirement is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I left Apple before but at that time I guess I never thought it was permanent…even though I had told myself it was. However, this time is different. It’s been 8 or 9 years since I returned to Apple (holy cow!). I’m 53. This time is for good…until it’s not.
Selling the house has been a huge undertaking. Packing and storing stuff in different locations. Labeling them. Some packed for garage sale. Some for taking to Florida. Some for taking to the boat. Some to be stored long-term until we decide to quit cruising, buy our “forever home” and move again. On top of that, I have three of my kids’ stuff to deal with and each have their own limitations as to what they can take now.
But, back to the topic of this blog. I’m struggling to live in the moment while also needing to work so damn hard to get to my dream of over 20 years to cruise on a sailboat. How do I take a deep breath and appreciate the life I have right now, enjoy the little blessings and be content when so much of my time, energy and mental capacity is going into making this big move. Add on to this the fact the changing jobs (or leaving) and moving are rated very high in terms of anxiety generating life changes, it’s hard.
6 months ago, I had thought by this time, I’d be winding down work and would have more time to invest in myself and Sherine. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Our life is pretty crazy right now…which, when I think about it, will probably be a good thing. It’s just going to make finally getting on that sailboat cruising down the east coast so much sweeter. I just have to try to remember this.
Am I doing the right thing? I have no idea. I’ve so invested by this point it’s going to happen. The house is going on sale the week after I get back from delivering While One to Virginia. All I know is this: Sherine and I have made many challenging decisions and life decisions over our 32 years together and I can honestly say, I don’t regret a single one of them. Sure, some decisions have been better than others but, in general, we come out the other side better than when we went it.
I don’t know what this new life is going to give me but, we’ll be alright. Life’s too short to stand still.